I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
