I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
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