i was rollin on her like bob the builder
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Randomize
