I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
