I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I cockslap morals
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
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