seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
