I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
