Kiss
Puke
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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