so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
