I want to walk on stilts...naked
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
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