You made me cry and you don't even care
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
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