just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
