So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
