I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I wish they made helmets for livers.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
