I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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