I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
