Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
