Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Randomize
