i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
