So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
