Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
