she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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