he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
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