I am in a vortex of obligation.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
