physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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