im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
