how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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