Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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