May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I think im going to throw up on grandma
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Randomize
