im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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