forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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