Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
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