my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
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