hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
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