My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
