its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
