Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
