drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
