Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
So much rum. So many feels.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
