woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
