My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
