I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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