why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
