We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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