im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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