were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Randomize
