If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
