I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
