some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
