I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
We need to get me chipped asap
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Randomize
