You're completely useless in the revolution.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
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