My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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