perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
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