There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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