Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
