I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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