True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
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